sometimes i loose my track of mind.
it just happens, there are alot of things to think about.
but sometimes it happens when i'm looking for something, like a thai restaurant, or a web page...and whithout realizing it, i am staring at what i was looking for when i come back to concentration. so i was still looking at it even though at that moment i wasnt looking for it.
does this happen to you?
why do you think you like to look at a sunset? what is beauty except something we're all looking for?
i feel too much in life like I'm looking for a word in a crossword puzzle. all the letters for the word are right in front of me but i cant put them together to make the word. sometimes it's so frustrating that I want to die, just so I can understand. there is always that pull of fact and "reality" that dosnt let me go all the way.
i dont want to give up. ever.
there IS something, and im not sure if im ment to find it but im ment for something. not everyone wonders with such desperatness what else there is.
and i have a headache and have spent most of the day that i've stolen in front of a screen looking for something that no one knows for sure exists...with a cigarette dangleing out of my mouth. so many variations. have a finally smoked myself into insainity? maybe thats the only ones who truley know the truth. we cant understand because we are stuck thinking that our day to day lives mean something. but sometimes, when your high you can see right through reality, you just dont know what your looking at. what is reality except what we individually percive anyway?
when will i know? even when i am finished with time and am god, will i still be wondering?
i need to get to the next level somehow....can someone give me a little push? i want to swing high.
Posted at 01:17 pm by
KristiwithaK
Permalink
Do you hear me?
You don’t speak or look away
Maybe you hear everything I own
My discomfort
So you hear my sharp shaped music and my pain driven thought
So you have nothing to say
It’s ok
I like that you are there, you listen
What if you understand why I feel
Shy sound and emotion
Curly shaped shoes and capturing melodies
Why cant you be there
Why cant you be what I always wanted
The silent type that consoles and builds on nothing
Do you hear my discomfort?
Can you smell my whole life?
I want you to be the solution to all my problems
I want you to tell me it’s not the answer
Insanity
Drinking
Money
Understanding
But alas……
Depression survives on insanity
Innovation survives on inspiration
My life is a mess of tangled up thoughts and sour dreams
Posted at 12:48 am by
KristiwithaK
Permalink
You once had a sister you laughed with
you talked about the uncertainties of life
you laughed about childhood
you were so very differnt than eachother
You once had a friend
you captured glances from men walking on the street together
you drank untill you could not dance
you hugged
you shared
You once had an undying clearity of life
you streached your arms out
you built your muscles up
you focused your mind
You once had a passion
you drew it
you loved it
you challenged your limits
you held on to too much
You once had a tirst for extrovertion
you told stories
you drank too much
you danced and laughed
you cried together
You once had a view that would never die
You once had life's picture in your mind
Posted at 10:21 am by
KristiwithaK
Permalink
Life from far away
Dusk
Passions explanation
Explosion of subtle feeling
Beginning of challenge
Warm humid surrealism
If I could make you feel how I feel
I am collectively conscious
And I wish too much
What’s happening, do I keep looking for what is not there?
Maybe I’m not here.
I’m fighting with the thought of giving up. On one hand I am losing all passion for the unknown of life and on the other hand life is pushing me into the comforts of routine. I wish all this would just settle itself but it wont. What if I never figure anything out? Is anyone truly happy with a decision they have made about the direction of they’re life? Anyone?
Anyone?
Posted at 09:13 pm by
KristiwithaK
Permalink
I thought this life was for living
I was going to fly
Breath under water
Move Mountains
Understand conciseness
Get lost in insanity
I was going to love it
I was going to change people
Myself
The world
I was going to find peace
Surprise
Disappointment
Desire
Challenge
I thought I would absorb
I thought I would illuminate
I thought I could really merge
I thought I would overwhelm reality with emotion
But I will only go to work
Eat leftovers
And try to keep my plant alive….
Posted at 05:36 pm by
KristiwithaK
Permalink
The web of emotion that comes from a glimpse into some ones head.
You can see they’re vulnerabilities, you can taste they’re intensity.
They’ve worked so hard to give you the picture they see, you can feel it.
You can feel the intent but you don’t understand. It confuses the unidentified emotion that get stirred up with every color and every note.
Where is that life, the life you can feel so well it could be your own?
You’ve never seen it manifest in reality but you know it so well.
So that’s what you love, the fantasy.
I want to think it’s out there
the mysteries of life, once identified, will lead us to bliss and ecstasy we’ve never known.
Posted at 02:16 pm by
KristiwithaK
Permalink
interrupt: to break uniformity or continuity of
Now I'm lost
last night I heard lepors
flinch like birth defects
it's musk was fecal in origin
as the words dribbled off of its chin
it said I'm lost
I'm lost
now I'm lost
dolls wreck the minced meat of pupils
cast in oblong arms length
the hooks have been picking their scabs
where wolves hide in the company of men
it said
I'm lost
I'm lost
now I'm lost
are you peaking in the red
perforated at the neck
what of this mongrel architect
a broken arm of sewers set
past present and future tense
clipside of the pinkeye fountain
now I'm lost
it's been said
long time ago
you'll be the first and last to know
you'll never know
Posted at 03:11 pm by
KristiwithaK
Permalink
